No, really... Do you fancy us?

Happy New Year!

2011-01-03T11:23:00.002-05:00

"Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each New Year find you a better man."

- Benjamin Franklin

Let's cheers that 2011 will be impossibly better than 2010 and that we will make a good faith effort to return to blogging!

My goodness...

2010-11-01T21:28:00.000-04:00

We have been gone for a loooong time. Blame traveling work, insane schedules and nothing particularly special to share, but regardless I wanted to pop in and remind everyone to vote tomorrow!! Time to party like it is 1994!!!!

xo,
Em

2010-09-28T20:01:00.000-04:00

Four-inch platforms give you great height and make your legs look unbelievably long. I used only to be able to get them in stripper shops, but now you can buy them everywhere – although, unfortunately, that means everyone else has discovered the trick too.’ -Helen Mirren

Game Day Epiphany

2010-09-19T11:51:00.002-04:00

I'm sorry Phillip Rivers, because of my bad choices I will be forced to gamecast.

Something hit me this morning. I NEED a boyfriend. And no, not for the usual reasons like love and affection and all that jazz.

I NEED a boyfriend because I NEED someone who (1) has NFL ticket and (2) is somewhat obligated to let me watch the Chargers game at his house (This also goes for the Big 10 Network on Saturdays). Because right now, all I'm trying to figure out is what friend I can blackmail to a bar to watch the game with me where I will undoubtedly encounter some overcharged, lame Redskins fan who will bitch about me changing one of bazillion TV's to the Bolts game (I'm allowed to say this because at the age of 6 I too was a legitimate die hard Redskins fan).

Dating is all fun and games until you realize you haven't made the right commitment to someone before football season. Blast.

Welcome back GG!

2010-09-14T15:02:00.000-04:00

Welcome back Gossip Girl. Although last nite's GG lacked for a certain something, it's nice to have the fall schedule underway.

As per usual, your Gossip Girl recap!

PS: Also how awesome was it to have Little J gone? XOXO Taylor Momsen, you are so annoying if I saw you on the street I'd actually punch you in the face.

2010-09-13T20:23:00.000-04:00

“People tell you who they are, but we ignore it because we want them to be who we want them to be,” - Don Draper

Love her

2010-09-06T21:23:00.001-04:00

What a babe, right?

Swing!

2010-08-29T11:35:00.000-04:00

For your last week of summer, I think a special summer "anthem" is necessary. SURE, this song is a few years ago, but I think it deserves another chance. Rooms and I have been jamming to it all week.

Posted youtube above without video - because frankly, knowing what Savage looks like might ruin the song for you. Small solace - the brilliant lyrics.

2010-08-20T16:27:00.002-04:00

Big Red: ha, yes, I met a resident who went to Duke
. . .he is gay
and jewish
not that the latter really matters considering the former

Elle: hahahahaha
i mean off to a great start
and all downhill after that

The Oregon Trail Test

2010-08-19T12:53:00.001-04:00

We have all had moments where life just is NOT going our way. Karma continues to dole out cosmic knuckle sandwiches, your hair isn't as shiny as it used to be - you know, serious shit. But, like that Maya Angelou saying (I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things:a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights), the trajectory of your life is how you handle/cope with the not so great stuff.

I'm pretty sure you can spot the differences in people on the playground. Are you someone who fell, and then continued to writhe on the ground and cry (cough, only children) or did you wipe the blood off your knee
and get back on the monkey bars?

To make it more dramatic, Mama Em and I like to call this the "Oregon Trail Test" (she knows my love for that 1990's gem of a computer game).Are you the kind of girl who would be able to help move the wagon if
the wheel got stuck in mud? Would you survive a bout of dysentery? Are you going to be so useless that I am going to vote to leave you on theprairie with the Indians who have penchant for scalping (I also refer to this as my Beth from Little Women test - yes she had rheumatic fever - but what a whiner! I mean if we are being honest without ourselves...Who wasn't a little glad to see her go?).

Bottom line, yes sometimes Elle and I are a bit too 'tough' for our own good, but life is not easy...and how you deal with the hard things is important. So in the vein of the Maya Angelou quote...are you going to buy adorable galoshes for the rain, wing it with the luggage, and crank up your favorite Christmas
album and dance around with a bottle of wine while untangling lights - or not?

My Safe Place...is no longer safe.

2010-08-19T10:05:00.004-04:00

Last week my friend CB and I grabbed drinks at the Carlyle after a fun mixer at the Union League. She said to me, "If anything disastrous ever happens to me, and no one knows where to find me. I will 100% be at the Carlyle - it is my SAFE place and I will hole up there for days until the world is safe to come back out to." Dramatic? Yes. On point? Yes. M later interjected that she, too, must have a safe place and hers was, obviously, the Plaza. She would hole up in the Oak Room until life was once again A-OKAY, kind of like a grown up Eloise.

So I was thinking, whereeeee is MY safe place? And I realized, it was my gym. My safe place was Equinox. When I am angry, I go to the gym, when I am sad, I go to the gym. Anger can easily fuel a 8 mile treadmill run at a 8 min pace. The yoga classes calm me. The unlimited organic cotton towels comfort me. The kiehls products invigorate me.

And my little sanctuary is no longer safe. I have been blogging (read: ranting) for the past week and a half that 1.) I suspected my gym was under attack 2.) that I CONFIRMED that my gym was under attack. Today I will assert that its full blown war! For the love of god, he BROUGHT HIS FRIEND LAST NIGHT! Like, are you foxing serious?My gym feels like occupied France! Get out of my sanctuary, Heinrich Himmler! Viva the Allies!

In event, I had to find another safe place... like mother like daughter, I will hole up in Sak's (preferably with her card), sit in the Charbonnel et Walker Cafe, with Champagne truffles, and shop at 10022 Shoe.

Side Note: If HE tries to take my second safe place, I foresee that I may mace him in the eye with some Penhaligons, and then stab him with a Louboutin.

Em comes to NYC this Weekend!

2010-08-19T09:59:00.002-04:00

Endless summer marches on! And Em is back in the big city this weekend. Usually our weekends go like this: Party. Recover. Party. Recover. Lobster Rolls. I am going to attempt to be a better host this time and involve some NYC-ish sight seeing, like a stroll over the Brooklyn Bridge for some Grimaldi's Pizza, and if we accomplish this, then I will be oh-so proud of us. Also attempting to fit in the Chargers pre-season game, oh and of course, THE WORLDS BEST LOBSTER ROLLS! I am fairly convinced that half of the reason for Em's trip is to see me, and the other half is to go to Luke's Lobster. I do not fault her in anyway.

Oh the male mind...

2010-08-19T09:49:00.003-04:00

Elle: Speaking of... are you going to be retarded and go to Dewey beach this wkd
say... NO!

Mike: ahh...its looking like it...i'd say 20% chance i stay

Elle: WAHHHH
Dewey beach is for whores

Mike: is that supposed to not make me wanna go?
that's like saying...that restaurant has incredibly good food for really cheap price
u shouldn't eat there

Elle: Fine - I hear all their chicks are trannys

Mike: now that's a better arguement

GYM-vasion

2010-08-18T14:47:00.004-04:00

So as I mentioned last week, I feared that my gym was under threat of a hostile take-over. Fears have been realized, HE has been spotted 4 times at my gym. Let me tell you, it really funks up my YOGA when I spot him when I am in the middle of a standing split. WHY WHY WHY must you go to a gym that is 1.) MINE 2.) NOT YOURS 3.) Not in close proximity to you. Jerk-face.

As if I do not have enough to worry about, I now have an irrational fear of looking amazeballs just going TO the gym and then am forced to change into i-look-amazeballs- yoga attire. Thankfully, this is not hard.

Damn Right!

2010-08-13T15:21:00.002-04:00

Em: im not switzerland
im america
i dont do things i dont want to do

Happy Friday the 13th

2010-08-13T14:43:00.002-04:00

Today is Daddy Elle's birthday! So a big happy birthday to my lovely father who is actually NOT a reader of the site, but since Mommy Elle is, I am sure she will pass along my greetings, SIDE NOTE - Mommy Elle's birthday is in 2 days. How cute are they? Birthday buddies!

Things I love about my dad:

He is goofy! Sometimes intentionally and but most of the time not.

He is the most likeable and least controversial member of our family. I really don't know anyone who doesn't like him. Mom, sister and I? We have enough enemies, frenemies and haters to fill a 3rd world country.

He tolerates a house full of ladies! (It's ok, the dog is a boy....). He tolerates our obsession with Target, weird dietary and eating habits, shopping sprees, shopping sprees he unknowinlgly funds, bad TV, and mood swings.

His favorite meal is meatloaf. Yet, he will never order it at a resturant, why? Because he only likes my mom's meat loaf. Super super cute.

He has a creepy photographic memory. He can spout off anything from the date of a family vacation - to the day from the 60's, lthe ifetime stats of Sandy Kofax, and any date of any military battle... EVER. Its a gift.

He signs wall posts, "Love, Dad".

He looks just like me, except he has a bald head. And I am a good looking lady, so thanks, Dad.

Side note: Came across this article on Friday the 13th on Tres Sugar, and evidently its bad luck supposed to cut your hair today? Whoops!

Things I like when I am hungover...

2010-08-13T11:47:00.004-04:00

True story: I had a few too many glasses of sav blanc last night and I feel like total YUCK at the moment.

Things I enjoy when I am feeling hungover and crappy:

Pedicures - Pretty toes are a cure all. Plus, its relaxing, and I enjoy fiddling with the back massage chairs.

Calamari - who are we kidding, any time is calamari time!

Fountain Soda - You cannot put a price on a fountain diet coke, it is my heaven. Ask me why a soda is exponentially a million times better when its fountain soda? I cannot tell you. It just is.

Shower - Duh. Obvs tot def.

Lifetime Movies - I not-so-secretly am obsessed with the Lifetime Movie Network.

Venti Unsweetened Passion Fruti Iced Tea from S-Bucks - Tart amazingness.

Haircuts from Aveda! (New addition) - Got a hair cut this morning in advance of a wedding tomorrow! Let me tell you. Scalp massage, blow out, and someone paying attention to you for 2 hours, priceless.

I enjoy everything in moderation - except when I don't.

News You Can Use!

2010-08-13T09:47:00.000-04:00

Happy Friday!! And perhaps more importantly, Happy Friday the 13th! Since we are on the brink of the weekend and we are all about to rot our brains with booze, why not share the historical origins for this bad luck day.

Although there are several theories for how Friday the 13 became the day for bad luck and thus came to be used for one of the greatest movie franchises of OUR TIME (I joke), it seems that superstition has no
written evidence before the 19th century. Some believe that no individual event lead to the Friday the 13th myth, but that 13 and Friday individually are considered to be unlucky (Black Friday, Jesus died on a Friday etc).

BUT, I am more likely to believe dramatic and tragic Knights of the Templar version made popular in The Da Vinci Code AND an awesome History Channel special:

The Knights Templar were a monastic military order founded in Jerusalem in 1118 C.E., whose mission was to protect Christian pilgrims during the Crusades. Over the next two centuries, the Knights Templar became extraordinarily powerful and wealthy. Threatened by that power and eager to acquire their wealth, King Philip secretly ordered the mass arrest of all the Knights Templar in France on Friday, October 13, 1307 - Friday the 13th.

Anyways, you are welcome for this news you can use before 10 am on a Friday.

"Hey, hey, hey. How are my best girlfriends?"

2010-08-06T10:48:00.008-04:00

"I am the only girl hanging out with the guys. Its good. Ya know get along with guys more than I get along with girls for some reason" - Angelina from The Jersey Shore

"For some reason"? UM, lets be clear, ALWAYS steer clear of girls who say they just "get along better with guys" and don't have girl friends. There is a reason girls don't like you. Girls like this drive me NUTS! They usually say stuff like, "Ugh, girls are so much drama" (Um YEAH, probably because YOU brought it!), or "Guys are just so much easier to be friends with" (Yeah if a guy wants to sleep with you, they can be REAL easy to be friends with, idiot).

Em and I have guys friends, in fact we have quite a few, that being said, I also have MANY girl friends. While I totally love and enjoy QT with the boys, you need girl friends. Its a fact. Girls who don't have girlfriends don't have any because they don't know how to be a good girl friend, maybe they are a bf poacher, or they drop their girls for a boy in a second, or they are just a skanky piece of WT, in any event, avoid of letting these girls into your circle, because you will soon find out why she has been floating around solo.

FYI, These same girls ALSO don't know what an actual "guy friend" consists of, a guy friend isn't some poor soul who you flirt shamelessly with and make out with when you are totally wastado and spent. These situations do not an equitable friendship make.

2010-08-06T10:10:00.002-04:00

"Cufflinks when appropriate are never optional." (Via Rules of A Gentleman)

This is my gym and NO you can't have it.

2010-08-05T15:21:00.007-04:00

One of the perks of going to a "Fancy Gym" is that I don't have worry common riff raff, like creepy body builders (they go to Gold's), or locker thief's (ummm... New York Sports Club!), or children (Chelsea Piers!). I think of my gym as a little sanctuary, there are fresh cut flowers in the locker rooms, the Yoga classes are to die for, oh and they only provide Kiehls products for the members, UH-MAZING.

During the brief tenure of dating "the patriot", we shared a deep love of our gym. He lived downtown and went to the SoHo Equinox, as a former frequenter of that location, I obviously had a soft spot for it. When he moved he realized he was going to have go to a new location, new gyms can be traumatic, so I understood the stress. He was one of those members with 1 club access, so he really had to be selective. As our love died/disappeared, I never got a full confirmation as to whether he joined 17th and 10th ave, or Greenwich ave, either way, none of those are any of my regular Equinox locations, so I figured, NBD.

HOWEVER, last night as I was heading into the 19th and Broadway location, BAM, there he was exiting, I quickly pulled my phone up and went undetected, but um, HOW FLIPPING DARE YOU. This is MY location, you know where I live, fool, you KNOW the 3 Equinox locations which I have laid claim to, and you.can.not.go.there.ever. So now I am tot confused, did he up his membership to a multi location membership and his spotting at 19th and broadway was a mere fluke, OR OR OR is he still in a monogamous Equinox relationship and *gasp* he is committed to one of my locations?? THAT BITCH. The Elle is TOT displeased.

"I have this theory, that if you cut off all her hair she'd look like a British man."

2010-08-05T15:05:00.002-04:00

So maybe she is doing the whole I-am-in-college-I'll-cut-my-hair-if-I-want, bitch! or maybe its the I-am-the-Burberry-girl-so-shove-it look. It could even been the I-have-seen-too-many-Mia Farrow-movies, or the I-got-DUMPED hair coif. Whatever it is, it is not good. In fact, its alarmingly bad. Oh Emma Watson, so young, so stupid.

White Girl Rant of the Day

2010-08-05T13:48:00.002-04:00

Its REALLY irks me, like seriously IRKS me when I hit my go-to bar, you know, the bar that always has a sampling of cute guys, that is low key and just awesome, well, I have that bar, and Tuesday after dinner, Rachel and I decided to grab a quick drink, and much to my dismay, what did I find? In place of the standard population of preppy former frat boys, there were hipsters, uglies, and loners. Is there NOTHING we can count on anymore? My American dream just died, THAT and I need to find a new bar, STAT.

Thank you Josh. I SO need lessons from you on how to be cool. Tell me the part about Kenny G again?

2010-08-05T13:35:00.003-04:00

A few facts before I rant, I mean speak...

Reality TV Characters are NOT real celebrities

"Real Housewives" are not real NOR are they housewives

In desperate attempts to remain relevant, RHONJ (Real Housewives of New Jersey) "star" Danielle Staub is offering advice to her co-star/ frenemy/ who are we kidding these bitches flat out hate eachother, Theresa. "If you have it, don’t flaunt it because it will come back and bite you. Be very humble, be grateful for the opportunities that have been given to you and try to teach your children that hard work is definitely something that becomes lucrative to you in the end". HILARIOUS. This would be like taking dieting advice from Oprah, or acting advice from Mischa Barton - this is flat out comical. Remid me again why I watch...

"We have an old saying in Delta House: don't get mad, get even."

2010-08-02T16:34:00.005-04:00

At the rate I have flown through boys, it was bound to happen sooner or later, one of the ones who came and went got hitched this past weekend. So while it feels, weird, yucky, and a teeny tiny bith dejecting, I have come up with a listicle of WHY I am totally ok with the fact that he got married.

The guests. He was in the animal house fraternity, not like pink pants wearing douchey fratty boys, but like an enitre house of John Blutarsky. They did not clean up nicely, even 6 years later. Lets get real here, I do not want the unsightly in my wedding photos, especially an entire CREW of unsightly people.
The venue was so-so. I mean, at FIRST I was in raging jealous mode, I mean they were getting marired in NEWPORT RHODE ISLAND, like hello. I die. And then I saw the photos, and weirdly felt better, I mean, yes, I am a bitch, but, it was truly an unimpressive affair.
The bride is an NGB. "NGB" is a rush term for "Nice girl... BUT...".... as in she is blah, vanilla, a pollyana, lame, wall flower. If this was really his other half, then CLEARLY he and I were NOT meant to be. I have been called many a things, but "blah" is not really ever been one of them.
It seems like FOREVER ago. And to be fair, it almost was. Time truly is the best solvant and there are few things that six years can't smooth over.
This may be the first time, but it won't be the last. This will happen again, MANY MANY times, and it will be a-ok. Remember, be glad, and then move on.

What a Babe!

2010-07-25T22:49:00.000-04:00

Eva Mendes! Such a babe.

"You can't be walking around stupid and expect to be invited to parties."

2010-07-22T13:44:00.002-04:00

There really is no point to this Letterman quote post other than, don't be stupid. Try not to say stupid things, do stupid things, generally just avoid being an idiot. Its good advice. People will like you...well, maybe.

Live Every Week Like Its Shark Week!

2010-07-22T11:58:00.004-04:00

While, DYFU's dear friend Rachel has a thing for crustaceans, we have a thing for sharks (um, what does that say about us..?). Anyway! Clearly, I was pumped to find that Shark Week kicks off on August 1 on Discovery Channel! As NY Mag once said, "It's Shark Week, America's only holiday between Fourth of July and Labor Day!" Woo hoo!

For some Em & Elle Shark FAVES, please read about dating like a shark, yes, it's actually one of my faves. And also the time 2 years ago when we replaced Shark Week with "Break up Week", because, well, we are bitchy and cool like that.

When I think of people I realllllly dislike or am SUPER angry with, I totally want to channel the shark who is all like "I could totally kill you and rip you to shreds right now because I am totally Alpha and powerful, but you don't seem that interesting, so I am going to let you go forward and continue to exist somewhere pathetically". TOTALLY.LOVE.SHARKS.

Fun shark fact of the day: "Two-thirds of a shark's brain is dedicated to its keenest sense -- smell." Sharks should probably never visit New York in July then, because it smells like human waste, street meat, and poor.

You were warned

2010-07-21T11:06:00.006-04:00

So previously I gave ya'll a nice heads up on the baby boys infilitrating our dear city, and last night confirmed that I was not being over dramatic, but I was remiss in detailing another subset of boys: The First Year Analyst.

Around late July, early August, First year analyst programs begin in Investment Banks. In the good old days re: before "recessionista" became ingrained in our vernacular, a position as a First Year Analyst was guranteed as long as you totally didn't FUBAR your summer analyst job, such is no longer the case. However, this fragile economy has only knocked these boy down a few rungs, and not by much. So becareful ladies, they may be running around in Nantucket Red Shorts, have a side swoop hair cut, and may be really excited to buy you drinks, but they are still children, and as Big Red found out they still "realllllly miss college", and "can't wait for homecoming". Its a jungle out there.

Fetus: How old do you think I am?

Elle: I am guessing, by the fact that you are raging on a Tuesday, taking shots, um, a Summer Analyst?

Fetus: UM NO! I am a FIRST YEAR ANALYST!

Elle: So, what, did you just start work... like, this week?

Fetus: UM, LAST WEEK.

Elle: Oh, excuse me, working man.

MY birthday is not YOUR free pass to text

2010-07-21T09:44:00.004-04:00

I don't want to be a birthday-zilla, in fact, I am not even a huge birthday person, but let me do a quick rant...on someone's birthday, their day of ALL days, do not take this as a get-out-of-text-Siberia-free pass.

I am talking to YOU Mr. Brown, we have not spoken since we broke up OVER A YEAR AGO. Last year your birthday wishes were welcomed coldly, with no response, followed by no reciprocal birthday wishes to you a month later, WHY WHY WHY did you feel to wish me a happy birthday IN THE MIDDLE OF MY DINNER (which was wonderful, BTW). We are not friends. If this is your I-was-a-huge-douche-upon-breakup-guilt seeping out, put a cap on it. P Dot S your text "Happy birthday." text was as boring as you were. Do I not deserve an exclamation point,you FOXER? I tot do. In the punctuation of life, I AM THE EXCLAMATION MARK (!)

Moving on, The Patriot, who, mini update has been yellow/ red lighted due to his ex GF baggage and Dennis Rodman-esque rebounding, i have not spoken to in 2 weeks, and the last text was a sorry-i-was-being-weird-i-had-a-rough-week-still-want-to-see-you bs type text, since then, radio silence. But yet, you think my birthday is an excuse for you to olive branch yourself and wish me a "Happy bday", do I not even get the full word typed out? "bday"? Really????

Additional ex's who extended birthday wishes: The Child (He was younger and probably the NICEST boy ever), the College Republican (He looked like a very young Al Pacino, and was older and meticulously metro, i thought we were in tot love - UM I KNOW).

And in the funny category, a college mini ex sent me a "Happy bday, Elle!! Playing Ryan Cabrera and thinking of you!". This was not sent in seriousness, and I appreciated the sentiment.

Happy Birthday to ME

2010-07-20T09:50:00.004-04:00

So remember when I said my birthday was off to a better start than last year, well, evidently I spoke too soon. Just when I thought hey! 26 ain't so bad. My life is awesome, I got a big swift kick in proverbial BALLS. I called Grandma Mary to thank her for her gift that she has sent and she said on my birthday, I should go to church and pray to St. Jude for a boyfriend, because as she said "St. Jude is the saint of IMPOSSIBLE miracles, you know". ACTUALLY I did know that, thanks, however, what I did NOT know what that my search for someone to be my perma Plus + 1 was considered "impossible". As I told G-Ma Mary, "Doesn't St Jude have that hospital... with the little children...dying... of CANCER???" - Pretty flipping sure the big SJ has better things to worry about.

PDOT S I woke up this morning and the 2nd Facebook notification was from Mr. Brown's Little Brother, because he felt the need to say: "Happy Birthday! Hope everything is going well with you!" Would it be crass if I commented, "Hey - last year your brother dumped me, so I think this one has to be better! THANKS!"

Bye, bye 25!

2010-07-19T15:27:00.002-04:00

Today is officially my last day as a 25 year old. Now if you count age like I do (21-23 = early 20's, 24-26 = mid 20's and 27-29 = late 20's) then I am still in my mid twenties, however, once you cross the threshold of 25, you just kind of feel old, which is a total yuck feeling. Like, HELLO, I can't be old, I cant' even afford botox treatments yet!

There are many MANY things that I would have thought I would have had accomplished by 26, and I must say, I am a wee bit off. But, I am going to avoid being a Negative Nancy, and focus on the positive, like, I actually have a bedroom where I have a large closet, two in fact, I feel like a baller, and probably WOULD be considered a baller if my water front views didn't include a ConEdison Power Plant. Give and take.

Since my birthday is a halfway point of the year, I am going to make some mid-year resolutions, because WTF not? I pretty sure I am beyond the point of drinking to the point of puking, to be fair, I have not been that drunk or that hungover in a very long time, so pat on the back to Elle. I also think I am too old to be asking my parents for money when I don't budget properly, somewhere Mommy Elle is screaming, "UM YEAH!". I am too old to be buying trendy crap that I know I will not be wear more than once. I think the point to all this is that I am no longer given a Free Pass to live life recklessly. Motto: Treat youself well, and don't tolerate people who don't extend you that same treatment.

P Dot S - On the cusp of my 25th birthday, I got, DUMPED. So all things considered, I am already off to a MUCH better start.

Gwyneth is GOOPid

2010-07-15T10:11:00.003-04:00

In today's issue of GOOP, to which I am ashamed I subscribe to, Gwyn tells us to GO to San Fran. So first, I must applaud her that she is telling us to actually go somewhere stateside, and somewhere that doesn't require a passport and $10k, like her previous GO to Madrid, or GO to London, I am pretty sure this pained no doubt.

Her hotel recommendations include....wait for it...The Four Seasons, well thank you for that bit of traveler insider information. What would we ever do with out her? Would we...GASP have to stay at some ragamuffin hotel...like a...Ritz Carlton... or...... the Fairmount? Don't worry though guys, she is confident in recommending this hotel to us, because in her experience while "Four Seasons can be hit and miss" this one is GOOP-tastic . Like, STOP IT. I die. Seriously.

Simple.

2010-07-14T00:02:00.002-04:00

Love this blog post:

I wish that when I was younger I could have met my current self. We would have sat down at a coffee shop so that I could explain life to young me in terms that only we would understand. It would have saved me a lot of hardship.

You can listen to all the sage wisdom you want, but things only make sense when you can explain them to yourself in your own words. For instance, I’ve been told for three years that Breaking Bad is the best show on television, but only after I watched it was I able to tell myself exactly why everyone was right. Other truths I know now that I can explain them: that I’m not missing any crucial information and that poker really isn’t all that fun; that heartbreaks do fade but they take about a year longer than you expect and by the time they do you really don’t care about it enough to notice; and above all else, life is simpler than you think.

I used to think that life was an intricate series of levers and pulleys, buttons and switches, Mexican standoffs and hostage negotiations. As I get older I realize that life is more Netherlands minimalist than Jackson Pollock. The problems don’t get fewer, and in fact they grow in number, but the way I index them in the database is different. More problems get filed under fewer category headers.

Things are getting simpler, and it’s making life better. Here’s the cheat sheet:

People want to be liked. We all crave attention and affection and we all reject shame. When we get embarrassed we send a thug version of ourselves to the forefront to do our fighting for us. We’re at the top of the food chain just under fear. We don’t want to be in a relationship to hear the words “I love you,” we want to be in a relationship to say the words “I love you.” We want to feel needed, and exceptional and we hate feeling insignificant. We want to ace a hearing test. We are binary creatures; if we’re the plaintiff, we want to win every dollar. If we’re the defendant, we want guard every penny. We want to make more money than last year. We don’t want to get cancer or die in our cars and we want the same for our loved ones. We go out on weekends to try and have sex while trying not to get punched in the face. We drink so we can be ourselves and not mind it so much. We’re desperate to be understood. We want to know someone else has felt it, too. We hate being judged unfairly. We want to make the person we heard wasn’t all that into us change their minds and admit they had us wrong. We want sunny skies with a chance of killer tornadoes, just to keep music sounding good. We take hours upon hours to admit to self consciousness. We don’t know exactly how to pleasure each other. We just want love. In any and every form.

See? It’s simple. :)

It Bears Repeating

2010-07-13T23:31:00.001-04:00

"Please do not be cynical. I hate cynicism. For the record, it's my least favorite quality. It doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get, but if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen. I'm telling you, amazing things will happen." - Conan O'Brien

Dear Em, Please take note...

2010-07-12T09:56:00.002-04:00

So this past weekend, I went to a friend's bachelorette party. Although i am of the ripe old age of 25, this is actually only my 2nd bachelorette party, ever, so I think this makes me an expert, obvs. So while, I am not-even-close-to-finding-a-boyfriend/ life partner I am just giving a run down, so it is noted in stone/ on the Internet what I want and do not want, ever.

I want a weekend, YES, an ENTIRE weekend. The days of a bachelorette party "night" are dead and gone, everyone gets a whole weekend now, so i, TOO, deserve a weekend

I don't want to stay in the city. I live here, sure it has the best dining and nightlife in probably the world, but no, we must travel somewhere else, so have lesser quality dining and nightlife. This irony is not lost on me.

No Penis Paraphenalia. I will not wear a penis crown or don a penis necklace, or hit the town with my very own penis straw, drinking cosmos. No, No, and NO.

We will NOT wear matching "last fling before the ring" tee's, I have seen proof of that this exist on facebook, and it makes me die.

No tagging photos where I look 1.) Not hot 2.) Not skinny 3.) Tacky. The likelihood that such photos would even exist are slim to none, but still, it bears repeating.

Em's Anti Bucket List

2010-07-11T13:37:00.000-04:00

Whether we call it The Bucket List or not, there are all a few things we want to do and check off some imaginary list...and then there are the things we know we shouldn't do anymore, but still sometimes do (The Mutaugh List) and the things we never, ever want to do. Ever.

Feministe made their own Anti-Bucket list of sorts. Here are a few things I have no interest in ever checking off:

Jumping out of an airplane....because why would I leap out of a perfectly good airplane with only a bit of silk attached to a cord saving me from plummeting to my untimely death.
Paint my own pottery...you will never find me at a Color-Me-Mine store.
Watch Lost...sorry Elle, I think I missed the boat on this one.
Runner up thrill seeking activity I never want to do is bungee jumping - same philosophy. The bridge I'd be standing on looks perfectly sturdy. I think I'll stay up here.
Pretending to think vegetarianism isn't a crime against nature...I follow the Oregon Trail philosophy. If those ballsy Pioneers needed to eat it to stay alive, it really can't be all that bad for you.
Wear skinny jeans...because I'd look absolutely ridiculous and I'm hoping that someday, somehow, this trend will die just like shoulder pads and leggings before it (as I've been saying since 2009, leggings are out people)
Enjoying camping...why would I want to bring all the crap from my house, out to the woods in order to "rough it". No thank you. If I want S'mores I will make them outside by my parents fire pit. That's as nature girl as I intend on getting.

Stay Classy SD

2010-07-08T11:38:00.000-04:00

Will be off the grid for a few days in sunny (not humid) San Diego!! Have a great weekend!

Perfect Couples

2010-07-07T20:20:00.001-04:00

Not really sure what this show is really supposed to be about - but it has LC's boyfriend and the waitress from It's Always Sunny....good enough for me!

Pretty Is As Pretty Does

2010-07-07T15:15:00.004-04:00

This morning as I was getting ready for work (same routine every morning, music BLARING, check my bookmarked blogs as I blow dry my hair), I came across this Jezebel article, about how The Daily Show is overrun by sexism based purely on some off record comments and the recent hiring of Olivia Munn (who apparently has done some stuff, but I only knew her as the girlfriend Chris Pine cheated on...thank you TMZ for always keeping me informed of the super important things). And not going to lie, this article made me a bit outraged before 8 AM with something that didn't even have anything to do with my hair (aka my mood barometer).

Disclaimer: Elle and I have never been RA RA Women...and to be honest this kind of article is exactly what keeps me from being more of a cheerleader for"Female Empowerment". It seems Jezebel's problem with Olivia Munn is that in their mind she was only hired for her looks (nevermind she appeared in more than 300 episodes of a comedy show from 2006-2010 or that The Daily Show's demographic skews heavily toward men who likely don't want trolls traipsing across their screen after the 11pm hour). What annoys me about Jezebel more frequently than not is that they take issue with the most inane things all in the name of feminism. From asserting that Taylor Swift is a "Feminists Nightmare" (because she sings about fairytales and boys...although you have to wonder what they would have said about the teenage sensation from when I was in high school - one gyrating, more than half naked, snake toting Britney Spears) to their righteous complaints that pretty girls get things just because they are pretty (cue false sense of outrage and shock).

Emily Gould put it best in her article in Slate about the whole Olivia Munn/Jezebel/Daily show fiasco:

It's a prime example of the feminist blogosphere's tendency to tap into the market force of what I've come to think of as "outrage world"—the regularly occurring firestorms stirred up on mainstream, for-profit, woman-targeted blogs like Jezebel and also, to a lesser degree, Slate's own XX Factor and Salon's Broadsheet. They're ignited by writers who are pushing readers to feel what the writers claim is righteously indignant rage but which is actually just petty jealousy, cleverly marketed as feminism. These firestorms are great for page-view-pimping bloggy business. But they promote the exact opposite of progressive thought and rational discourse, and the comment wars they elicit almost inevitably devolve into didactic one-upsmanship and faux-feminist cliché. The vibe is less sisterhood-is-powerful than middle-school clique in-fight, with anyone who dares to step outside of chalk-drawn lines delimiting what's "empowering" and "anti-feminist" inevitably getting flamed and shamed to bits.

At the core, I guess I really wonder what Jezebel's angst is all about. The moderators are pissed because Olivia Munn got hired - but why? Emily Gould points to the underlying seething jealousy of the commenters whose rampant insecurity is (thankfully for them) shielded by anonymity. Is this just a bunch of average looking women with above average intelligence who are pissed that better looking women AND men tend to get through life just a bit easier? Or that pretty people make them feel bad about themselves and one really can't take it out on cute coed in front of you at the grocery store - so they take to the blogs?

Mostly I think this kind of dialogue is destructive to the whole "feminist" argument and essentially mimics the social caste system that already exists. Mainstream lady mags bow to the Holy Grail that is the super svelte model while feminist lady blogs feed off the kind of jealousy that the cover of magazines breed in the first place. And still, just like how there is no middle ground between rail thin runway models and plus size models, there is no gray area when it comes to women empowerment. And Emily Gould has hit it spot on - articles like this bring out women's worst tendencies to undercut and judge each other rather than celebrate that The Daily Show finally has another female corespondent. Rather, they seem to be saying that Olivia Munn's attractiveness somehow hurts women, because as EG notes in her Slate piece:

It's certainly important to have honest, open conversations about the issues that reliably rake in comments and page views—rape, underage sexuality, and the cruel tyranny of the impossible beauty standards promoted by most advertisers and magazines (except the ones canny enough to use gently lit, slightly rounder, older, or more ethnic examples of "true beauty").

It's as if commenters would feel a lot more comfortable if everyone would just look and be a little more average. I on the other hand think the whole goal of feminism is to be it all - pretty, smart, funny, driven, successful. It appears like Jezebel is fine with the women being all of the above... except pretty in a way they find disdainful (Crystal Renn fine, skinnier version, not so much)...because we dont want to make other women feel bad.

2010-07-05T22:36:00.000-04:00

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do. - Eleanor Roosevelt

GFE Explained

2010-07-05T19:37:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago, Elle blogged about her most recent GFE (otherwise known as the Girl Friend Experience) where you meet someone and are in an insta-relationship that usually sputters out around hour 72 where one or both parties drops the anchor and jumps ship. While we were talking about this phenomenon I realized that I am very prone to the 2-5 day GFE and Elle and I worried that maybe her weekend boyfriend suffered from the same impulse to go from 0 to 60 ASAP (I am however confident that he is just overcome by the awesomeness which is Elle).

Fact of the matter is, in new relationships we all tend to mimic situations which feel comfortable to us. Take last fall, I basically spent a week straight with Womanizer Will wherein he took me to the airport AND I met his Dad. Although that was pretty much as long as this "relationship" lasted - the point is, I wasn't freaked out by the type of closeness that developed under 24 hours because I am used to playing the girlfriend role.

Bottom line, I think it is important that we pinpoint patterns of behavior not only in ourselves, but also in people we are just starting to date. By now we all have baggage (myself and Elle included) and we can't take out of the equation the impact former patterns of behavior and relationships have had on how someone enters into a new one. That's not to say run for the hills any time a guy seems to really like you (because why wouldn't he!) but I know that for myself I need to take a T to stop myself from doing what feels familiar to me to assess whether or not I actually really like this person (Womanizer Will, not so much). Whether you are a serial dater or a serial monogamist, it never hurts to take a step back to see where both you and him are approaching the possible relationship from.

That being said, the GFE is harmless and fun. So as long as you have instituted Summer Dating rules and just in for the fun, I say no need to over analyze.

Just Because

2010-07-05T18:42:00.000-04:00

How freaking adorable are these baby pandas!!

White Girl Rant of the Day

2010-07-02T16:15:00.001-04:00

Just realized my tan lines are OOC (Out O' Control!) and are gonig to clash HORRIBLY with my super cute low cut sundress! Rats!

Things I am LOVING this 4th of July weekend

2010-07-02T11:38:00.000-04:00

AMERICA: I am celebrating the 4th with a trip up to Boston where I hope to celebrate by donning my favorite patriotic headband from Vineyard Vines, cracking crabs, drinking beer, having an AMAZING lobster roll and hopefully hearing some 1812 Overture from the Boston Pops. Anyone who feels uncomfortable celebrating the 4th of July is an asshat, and you should tell them so.
DYFU: Two years ago tomorrow, Elle and I finally started our blog (and by finally, I mean it had really been in the works since we were 16, driving around San Diego marveling about how Dashboard Confessional had stolen the name to the AWESOME radio show we should have had recording all our hysterical commentary. Yeeah, we may have thought highly of ourselves). It is amazing to think how far we have come in two years. We've been through boyfriends, friends, roommates, jobs, finishing grad school, moving, having our hearts cracked and back to realizing that we finally have our MOJO back. But really, the thing I love most about DYFU is obviously my best friend Elle. Because really, besides my family, there is no better support mechanism than her and I love that we have a blog to really share how strong and long lasting our friendship is.
Summer Dating Rules: I can't count how many times since the beginning of summer I have said, 'Come September 1, I will NOT engage in this kind of activity anymore!' Usually that sentence has followed an intense flirtation with someone 23 (although the steadfast rule is that he must be OLDER than my little brother...so anyone, ahem, anyone born before February 13, 1987 - you are fair game until the clock chimes September). Regardless, summer is the best and worst of dating. Lots of FUN, beach,and available men - however most people aren't looking to settle down with someone they met over a Corona Lite and a make shift beer pong table. Summer is the time to date someone wholly inappropriate for you and not worry about the "checklist" - so I am focusing on having fun and not taking it all too seriously, and you should too.

Have an AMAZING 4th of JUly.

Xo,
Em

2010-07-02T10:48:00.002-04:00

"It is time for us to realize that we're too great a nation to limit ourselves to small dreams. We're not, as some would have us believe, doomed to an inevitable decline. I do not believe in a fate that will fall on us no matter what we do. I do believe in a fate that will fall on us if we do nothing. So, with all the creative energy at our command, let us begin an era of national renewal. Let us renew our determination, our courage, and our strength. And let us renew our faith and our hope. We have every right to dream heroic dreams. Those who say that we're in a time when there are no heroes, they just don't know where to look."

Its the most wonderful time of the year!

2010-07-02T10:31:00.003-04:00

"We will always remember. We will always be proud. We will always be prepared, so we may always be free." - Ronald Reagan

It is not secret that I love summer, and I love America. So it should come as NO surprise that 4th of July is the penultimate in holidays for me. The beach, BBQ, fireworks, the excuse to wear NAVY, RED, and Bright WHITE (did I need an excuse?), what is not to love? This is my Christmas, Valentine's Day, and New Year's Eve all rolled into one. Last year, not even the brutal dumping by a one Mr. Brown was going to ruin my holiday! In fact, I headed down to Princeton, drove across the Delaware (Modern GW style), and forced my dear friend Mags to take me to some revolutionary battle fields, she acquiesced, I told her I was heartbroken and the only cure was Americana!

I am headed off for a great weekend with some girls friends to Fire Island this weekend, and cannot way to kick off my 4th! Em will be a true "patriot" and will be celebrating her 4th in Boston!

Things I am loving:

Blueberries! They are BLUE (how patriotic), yummy, an anti-oxidant power punch and, um, a natural laxy - Whats not to love?

Yoga Classes at Equinox! So for 5 years I have been paying for this UBER fancy gym, and using, um ....the treadmill, I MAY have been slow on the uptake, but the classes are amazing and their instructors are rockin', kind of like my arms...SNAP!

NYC Weather at the current moment, i slept with my windows open, NO AC last night, AND had my covers up. 88 daytime, 66 at night, thats the ticket. Stay with me.

Pedis! I abandoned my toes for like a month and finally got a pedicure, obviously I went with Essie's Clambake, HELLO, America!
America! Yes! Yes, a thousand times YES! This weekend, watch Saving Private Ryan, or The Pacific, listen to Regan's Challenger speech , grill a hamburger and slap on some American cheese and tell me that we don't have the most awesome, kick ass country ever. In the words of my dear friend Michael while we were at an NFL tailgate this past fall, "If only the terrorists could see this. They wouldn't hate us, they would want an invite".

Even a Caveman Can Do It

2010-07-01T16:05:00.003-04:00

Like all girls, Elle and I have tried a bazillion fad diets and through these crazy diets (Grapefruit! Cabbage Soup! Master Cleanse!) we could easily rattle off the foods which act as natural cleansers (Blueberries, Watermelon, Pepperchinis) or whatever else you want to know about to slim down... but often have avoided the just "eating healthy" route the fitness magazines advocate. Why? Because we NEED/THRIVE off of rules...so you can imagine how EXCITED I was when I finally come across a diet which really acts more like an easy to follow lifestyle change as far as food.

The Paleo diet, also known as the Caveman diet, is based on the idea that we should only eat foods that were available in the paleolithic era - aka when the super svelte cavewoman walked the earth. Think: meat, fish, shellfish, eggs, nuts, vegetables, roots, fruit, berries, mushrooms, etc. Out are grains, dairy, beans/legumes, potatoes, sugar and fake foods.

The best part about the Caveman diet is that it is TOTALLY doable, and more of a lifestyle switch than an actual diet - like counting calories or carbs where cheating ends up packing on more lbs than it usually would. I try to stay away from primarly dairy and grains during the weekdays (and I'm not ridiculously strict - if I want black beans on my salad, I'll have them), and then give myself a break on the weekends. Not only am I healthily shedding pounds, but I am eliminating foods from my diet that cause ridiculous bloat - making EVERYTHING fit a little bit better.

Bottom line, this diet IS healthy and you don't have to starve yourself or gorge yourself on cheese. Plus, it reminds us that we should only eat WHEN hungry like true cavewomen because they hunted and gathered foods in anticipation of, or in response to, hunger pangs.

Perfection!

You have to BE a friend to HAVE friends

2010-07-01T14:11:00.005-04:00

Dating is a learning expirience. Not only do you learn about your romantic self, and your independent self, but also about your friend self. Juggling a relationship, work, family and friends is always a difficult balance. Some of us do it better than others. I am good at it, truth, but the other truth is that is that I had to learn how to do this the hard way.

I may have mentioned Krazy K, my CRAZY hs bf on the blog before. He was a total life suck. He sponged up all my time until I was left with no personal time. I lost almost all my girlfriends, and the few I salvaged, aka EM, took work to earn back. KK and I only dated for a year, but the damage caused in that year was pretty significant. Imagine if you were under the trance of this kind of relationship for ...FIVE YEARS. I can actually. One of my best friends from college recently ended a tumultuous 5 year relationship. During the course of these 5 years, she isolated herself, shut down, and ventured off into BF land.

I can honestly say it hurt to watch my best friend turn into a stranger, but like all things, time heals all. So as months and years passed, it hurt less and less, until finally, it did not hurt at all. We were friends who became strangers.

Fast forward to present day. She sends an email asking what her "best girl friends are up to for the 4th of July". I think I actually laughed aloud. I probably havent gotten an email from, aside from a mass email about a roommate, in god knows how long, her number is not even in my cell phone anymore. I don't know if in her mind, all of her friends lives were on pause while she ventured off into relationship world, but thats not the case, we had relationships, moved, got new jobs, suffered through heart aches, lost grandparents, got raises, got passed for promotions. 5 years of life happened. 5 years she was not present for.

I was angry, and upset that she would send this email and just expect that a booze fueled beach weekend would be a magic friendship cure all. As we approach my MOST FAVORITE HOLIDAY EVER, I have to say that the last last last way I envisioned spending it is rehashing old friendship crap. Do I want to talk to her? Yes, but a 3 day weekend trapped on an island with no chance of escape its probably NOT the best way. Maybe a 45 minute drink sesh? Or a dinner (no apps or dessert). Do I want her to reach out to me? Yes, I would never shut down that discourse, but I am prettay prettay sure reconciling on a girls weekend whilst I have a corona light in hand is a recipe for disaster (aka me flipping my shit on her).

So maybe this sounds harsh, but like ALL things in life, you only get what you give, and its a long way back from the bottom. Sincere, small, earnest steps are the only way to begin to recover what has been lost.

PS - if you are thinking, WHOA Elle, kind of first-class-bitch move to blog about this. Well, like I said, she is a stranger, who doesn't read the blog, and doesn't even know of its existence. But if she ever did come across it, well, I feel pretty strongly about this, and its nothing but open and honest.

2010-06-30T23:34:00.001-04:00

Just ask Elle or Mama Em or anyone who has happened to encounter me on gchat...for the last few days I have been in a deep funk. Even my impending trip to Boston for the weekend to celebrate the 4th could not brighten my mood. And then, I was surfing through the blog looking for an old picture and I saw this paragraph that I wrote in December (below) and it made me feel a million times better - finally calm, centered and under control. It's also nice to see that sometimes I really do know what I am talking about.

Get Mad, Scream, Cry...and Let It Go: Sometimes in life things are just not going to go your way. You aren't going to get the job you want, people will hurt you and so on and so forth. You SHOULD get mad- scream, cry, type furiously in ALL CAPS. But after all that- just let it go. Carrying around all that negative energy will stand in the way of moving on and being happy. Holding a grudge is an art form, but sometimes forgiving is actually the most selfish thing you can do. We all love and labor over things (boys, exams, dreams), and sometimes that means losing, but don't let the bruises go deeper than the surface and change who you are. Life is a lot about timing and circumstances, but it is also about how we deal with getting our heart broken or seeing our goals not come to fruition.

Making Friends Is Hard To Do

2010-06-29T20:59:00.000-04:00

In November I wrote a post about how hard it is to make new friends post college and in a new city where you know only a handful of people. Then today I saw this article in Jezebel about how to get out there and be a master friend maker, and it made me realize how far I have come since November in really "putting myself out there". In fact, this weekend I am jetting off on an impromptu trip to Boston with some new friends - and it just made me realize you really to have to be proactive. You can't wait for people to ask you to do things.

It bears repeating:

Be a Yes Girl: It is 7pm and you are so excited to be off work and going home to sit on your couch in those ratty Victoria Secret sweatpants (guilty!), but then a coworker or a new acquaintance invites you out to grab a drink. Sure, you really need to go to the gym or you have errands to run etc etc - but if you say no, chances are, they probably won't ask again. You can say no later, but sometimes you have to be a yes girl.
Friend Dates: You'll go on a blind date with some random dude, why not a girl? Rachel set me up with her friend Meredith last November, and we are now good friends. Don't be afraid to ask your friends for another friends email address.
Be a Joiner: Easy enough right? This year I joined a wine club and Junior League and have met some great new girls. Really all you have to do is show up.
Reconnect: Jezebel noted this too, but you don't even realize how many of your old college and high school friends have flitted around the globe and may be in your city. Today I was on an extended email chain with 5 sorority sisters on when to meet in July for a little reunion dinner. Remember, everyone is in the same boat for the most part - especially if you are in a big, transient city, so don't be afraid to shoot a facebook message to that girl you haven't talked to in a million years from your pledge class. Again, there is absolutely nothing to lose.

Shorts Story OPI

2010-06-27T15:19:00.000-04:00

Totally obsessed with OPI nail polish in Shorts Story! Perfect for summer - flirty, fresh and fun. Or as my friend Molls put it - "Your nails look like Malibu Barbie." Perfection.

Easy A

2010-06-27T14:48:00.000-04:00

This looks so hilarious! Kind of like a Mean Girls II.

Lets get Textual

2010-06-25T17:05:00.004-04:00

So, I have gone and been all ranty about how I hate texting, and I hate it as a valid communcation form (i will stick by the contention that it cannot stand alone), however, I realized that when I like someone, my rules...well, I fudge them. For instance, The Patriot (I just made this nickname up, but we will go with it because we 1.) met over USA World Cup Soccer 2.) he is from Boston and a Pats fan). We have text banter, and I like it, I walk around like an idiot laughing aloud to texts and being all cheese whiz and smiley. They are fun, tied into inside jokes, flirty, and concise.

Lets compare this to...a boy I went out with 3 weeks ago, we will call him, Billy Baseball, because its 5 pm on a Friday, and I suck at nicknames and he played college baseball. Maybe he was beaned in the head a few too many times but "Hey whats up" is not a valid text, like OHMYGOD my back is hurting from CARRYING THE WEIGHT OF THIS TEXTUAL CONVERSATION THAT I DO NOT WANT TO BE HAVING. It made me angry, and you can't hate someone you only went on 1 date with, so I nixed it. Nixed the texting and nixed the dating.

Great texts, texts that make you smile and laugh are like an awesome cheesecake frosting, like lets behonest, you can have it by itself, but it really needs the red velvet cake to make it stand. Bad texts are like fruitcake, you feel obligated to accept it, and you hate it, and the more it lingers around, the angrier it makes you.

So just to be clear, fruitcakes... bad, red velvet cupcakes...good.

MOJO!

2010-06-25T16:48:00.003-04:00

When you're on, you're on. For me, its been a combo of a loss of 6 lbs, yep, count 'em, toned arms (thanks YOGA), a light tan, eating healthy, marathon training, male attention, summer!, world cup soccer, College World Series Bruin Baseball, fun trips. I am running on all cylinders. I had a minor blip yesterday (lost license, ugh!), but that aside, June has been the month of Elle. Sometimes, all you need is one small thing to get you tumbling forward on the road to awesome, and then it snowballs, until you are just an unstoppable force of awesome MOJO, and thats how i feel right now. (Its like I am at the top of Rachel's Bell Curve!)

To be honest, this is the best I have felt all year, and ironically enough, we are approaching the 1 year demise of Mr. Brown & I (June 30th...). From outward appearences, I have been "fine", no tears, no whining, just "progress" (new job, new apt, new EVERYTHING), but the truth is that I really think it has taken a year to digest what was a really difficult and hurtful breakup, and figure out what I needed to do to get myself on track, because no boy is going to do that for me.

So I am off for a wonderful weekend out in Southampton with friends, laying out, grilling, relaxing, tennis, beach runs.

Things I am loving...

2010-06-16T13:47:00.005-04:00

Pretty Little Liars - ABC Family, I love you and your TWEEN dramas. Speaking of....Make it or Break it comes back soon! SNAP!

My corner juice guy - His pineapple and ginger juice is called "The Hangover", I call it, MAGIC.

Friday Night Lights! Yes, I was late to the party, like 5 years late, WHOOPS! But thanks to Big Red, I am currently on Season 3, and am MAJAHHHHLY in luv with Tim Riggins, even though he is Canadian, and a fetus.

Tim Riggins - Can't help myself, he needs his own bullet. MAJAH babe.

Saying "MAJAH" in lieu of major, I picture myself being all TC like Posh.
Saying SNAP! Just because, not like "Oooooh SNAP", but like "YES!"

YOUR Job is MY Dealbreaker

2010-06-16T10:52:00.002-04:00

So last week I met up for drinks with one of my guy friends from home. Ed. Note: We have known each other forever, and its totally platonic, so anything I say that may come across as HARSH or BITCHY, well, its said out of tough love.

As most of you know, I have a penchant and a gift for match making, it makes me feel like I have a little corner of control in a big gigantic world of crap and chaos. ANYWAY, my friend from home is adorable, great skin, nice hair, SUPER tall, like 6'2'', 6'3'', slammin' bod, smart and funny, so yes, I would, under normal circumstances be so excited to set him up, however, he is unemployed. Yes, sometimes life throws you a curveball, or a grenade, or 10 grenades, but this is not his case. Since college graduation in 2006, he has not had a job. He back packed through Europe, spent time in Asia, moved home to "decompress", went on an Cross Country Tour visiting various EMPLOYED friends, and has since settled in NYC. He said that he doesn't want "to commit to a job" that he is "not passionate about". I mentioned this in an earlier post, but like GIVE ME A BREAK, sometimes, a job isn't about passion and "finding yourself" as it is about providing and SUPPORTING yourself. Duh.

I cannot, in good conscience, set him up with any of my friends, because, quite frankly, I myself would want nothing to do with such a free floating Peter Pan. Yes, jobs are dealbreakers, and not having one, and not being too concerned is a MAJAAAH dealbreaker.

Oh and FYI, when I asked, what, if ANYTHING he could see himself doing, he replied, "Um, I think, maybe, something, in an office?". So, you think, that possibly, you could maybe see yourself kind of working in an office? Stop, where is the camera? This is too much.

The Girlfriend Experience

2010-06-16T10:20:00.009-04:00

The GFE is a term commonly used in the world of escorts and call girls, however, if anyone does ALOT of dating like Em and I, you probably have had your own, much-less-skanky GFE, where it honestly felt like you had a 36 hour relationship.

EXAMPLE, this past Saturday I was on a TEAR, coming off an 8 mile run and some faux tennis with Rachel, and straight off the heels of the US's epic tie with England for Game 1 of Pool Play, I was feeling GREAT. I was in my zone. So what happens? I meet a boy, at a bar, 4 hours later, we are holding hands at Brother Jimmy's, (yes, ME, PDA... total weirdness), walking through SoHo (still holding hands), going out to a really nice restaurant for dinner, being cute, going out, laughing at inside jokes that have been created only within the past 6 hours. Day two, texting, ALOT of texting, which leads to DATE #2. I think I spent more time with this boy in one weekend that I have with my roommates in the entire month of June.

Em had her own GFE last summer when she was literally kidnapped by a boy, and their lunch turned to dinner, and movie and an entire weekend extravaganza, and in this case, Em got a tad freaked out and peaced out ASAP, with his DVD in tow, he loved it so much, he wanted her to watch and share that experience with her. I am probably dramatizing that last part, but he definitely gave her a DVD on bears. (Ed note: She STILL has said DVD, however, she claims to never have watched it).

In my experience, these mini GFE r-bombs (relationships) implode rather quickly, once the guy realizes he is driving 1,000 MPH towards Hitched-Ville, he quickly slams on the breaks and tosses you out of the car, or stops at a rest stop and disappears (did I overuse this analogy?), ANYWAY, me and my weekend BF are surprsingly still in communication, so we shall see...

City gals - BEWARE

2010-06-16T10:02:00.003-04:00

Summer is upon us ladies, and we all know that everyone looks better when they are tan, but before you go full steam ahead with that fresh faced cutie at the bar. Take a T! He may be fresh faced for a reason. Every summer hundreds of college age kids infiltrate our cities, so just make sure that babe you are talking to is an actual BABE and not a BABY. And when he says he is "working at Goldman", please note that being a summer analyst is NOT the same thing as being an actual analyst, FYI.

Ways to spot these feti in the city:

Poorly fitting new suits - I once dated this British metro (I know....) who said that all American men had poorly fitted suits, and its true. Most college age guys aren't investing in super nice well tailored suits, so look out for baggy legs, loose shoulders, and an awkward hem.

Sporting THE BAG. Any finance-stitute knows what I am talking about, those blue canvas bags with stitched writing that says, Goldman Sachs, Merril Lynch, Citi. If it says Bear or Lehman, you are probably safe that he is no longer college aged, but probably not safe that he is necessarily employed.

Douchey Swagger - I love Alpha Males (Its a blessing and a curse), and I love when guys don't need to have their ego coddled every 5 minutes, but a super inflated ego is the mark of Joe College. Sure, you the bees knees wrestling in a mud pit in a Lax Pinny and neon wayfarers, but that doesn't always translate to real world cool.

I had this guy leave me a voicemail at work, so I called him at home, and then he emailed me to my BlackBerry, and so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies.

2010-06-07T22:08:00.002-04:00

Late last year when I had just started to casually date Womanizer Will, I wrote about the "Last Frontier of Intimacy" - aka the blackberry messenger. Anyone with a blackberry knows that the BBM is amazing - it's like a continuing test message that you can confirm has been read (kind of like vintage AOL emails). But that's the danger about BBM and why it really is the last shred of control you have over playing the dating game. And what's worse, if I become BBM friends with someone too fast, he can go from adorable to dead to me faster than Nate Kaeding.

Which brings me to this weekend, where my cardinal rule of contacting the opposite sex via BBM was broken in under 30 hours of being in New York visitng Elle. The point is this: I have 12 people on my bbm list and all of these people I know so well that I could actually type in caps WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME without them thinking I am out of bounds. Except for one new BBM friend add on. It went something like this - and YES, it WAS this dramatic:

My New BBM Friend: Okay well, I should get your number so we can meet back up. Oh wait, do you have BBM?

Me: (Inwardly horrified look, although obviously pleased, and yet still registering the potential disaster of the exchange of pins even though I am at least 4 coronas into day drinking) Umm, yeah!

Elle: I'LL DO IT. (grabs phones, and distributes pin numbers - as she just BBM'd me herself, she is a mere mortal with a match making passion)

Don't get me wrong, this is not because I did not want to give him my BBM, it is because I know the evil powers of staring at the little Delivered sign and waiting for it to pop up Recieved and I do try my very best not to put myself in situations where I cannot unglue my eyes from my blackberry . Or like when Elle BBM'd one of her guy friends on Friday and then starred at her phone chanting "Read it. Read it. Read it. Read it. READ IT."

Bottom line, BBM is like anything else (facebook etc), when used as a way to communicate with someone you might want to see again, it is best to use with caution. And yes, bad bbming can make you look as forlorn as B and Chuck.

Things I am loving...RIGHT NOW

2010-05-28T11:09:00.003-04:00

Memorial Day Weekend! Aka...ITS SUMMER! Heeeeyyy NOW! :) Heading out to East Hampton tomorrow for friends, bbq, sun, pool, and awesomeness.

Glee Concert! Tonight, Big Red, myself and all of Manhattan's Gay Men will be attending the Glee Concert at Radio City Music Hall, Yeeeeeaaah!

Articles Written in List form. Bullet points are also wonderful.

My Grande Iced Americano - ZOMG! Caffeine! Wheeeeeee!

Le Pain Quotidien - Lunch yesterday with some friends in Bryant Park! Their Quinoa salad was amazeballs.

Being a Yuppie. After a quick review of this list thus far, I realize I sound like a yuppie, and I like it.

My toes! Went a bit agressive on the summer color and went with Essie's Short Shorts! I have jelly bean, bright orange style toes, its actually pretty cute.

10 Reasons Why My Date Was Bad

2010-05-27T11:17:00.003-04:00

So, I have made it a rule that I typically will not talk about/ blog about/ stress about a date until its reaches date #2, aka NEVER, but this one was SO SO SO bad that I think I just simply must expound upon it, it is my duty.

He had a douchey name. Now, I typically love douchey names, Peter Pan's name is douchey (it included roman numerals), Mr. Brown's name was douchey, I crush on people named Wyatt and Thatcher, but in my mind, they belong to a Cool-Douchey hybrid subset. Not plain old regular douchey.
He was from LA. Now, I am from Southern California, so I typically try not to hold it against people, but when you go on and on ad nauseum that people in New York, are too stressed, and "not chill" (UM ok, Spicoli), and that you don't have "the head space" for the "madness of the city", well, I am going to suggest that you move back to that "chill" town that you hail from and do it fast. PS - LA is not chill, DUH!
He was TC. Now, I love Alpha Males, so yes, you should be cocky, you should have a swagger, but, um hello, I am Elle, and no one does "Who are you to me?!" better than me.
He went to USC. Twice. For Undergrad AND business school. In the words of Big Red, "Anyone who didn't realize how bad it sucked the first time is an idiot".
I was dissed for Kobe. I am a sports fan, a huge one, which is why I would never agree to, much less SCHEDULE a date during a Charger playoff game. So why he chose to schedule a date during Game 4 of the Lakers- Suns playoff series, to only then watch the entire game during the course of our date is beyond me. Other acceptable recourse, an earlier date, they play on West Coast time, it could have been done, or PLAN IT ANOTHER NIGHT. Idiot.
He was BORING. Maybe East Coast girls (sorry ladies) would go for his holier than thou, mellow diatribe, but I found it dull, tot faux, and tot sad.
He drank Amstel Light. That just seems, feminine, and not very Alpha Male if you ask me.
He didn't apologize! After a very horrible, almost 2 hours, he didn't even apologize that the game was a distraction or that he was dull, or plain RUDE.
He was going prematurely grey. Maybe the "stress" of New York City is getting to him after all, just another reason why you should probably LEAVE.
He dropped the b-school bomb, more times than I can count. Let me be clear, I have ex's who went to HBS, GSB, and Stern (aka Top Ten). I am thoroughly NOT impressed that you graduated from a #20 ranked MBA program (BTW - UCLA's Anderson School of Management is ranked #15), nor do I care about your beef with the "Type A's" who "ya know, typically like, INVADE, USC", ew.

WORD

2010-05-26T17:11:00.001-04:00

In response to the YouTube video email by Mr. Peter Pan

Mommy Elle: "Those Bears are NOT real Bears anymore than Peter Pan is a real Man....but good imposters not the less."

Bad Romance. I don't wanna be friends...

2010-05-26T15:26:00.005-04:00

BTW, Lady Gaga stole this motto from me. After relationships DIE (totally NOT over dramatic) I am not a fan of being friends after, primarily, because I don't NEED or have the want for any more friends, and the fact that it eventually becomes one of those fake friendships, like "Oh what are you up to? Oh dating someone else? HOW AWESOME!" ...LIES.

So we are nearing 1 year since the demise of Elle&Mr.Brown, and I realized that I have had the will power of a flippin' monk, and we have had ZERO communication. I firmly believe that a clean, exacto knife style separation is best for all parties involved, as evidenced by the fact that I received an email with a link to a youtube video of bears, yes, REAL LIVE BEARS, playing hockey in Russia from Mr. Peter Pan today. This is what happens when you let them linger, you will get emails of bad you tube videos and life updates that you have no care for. "Have a fun memorial day weekend, I am going to Nantucket", um...good for you?

2010-05-25T16:48:00.001-04:00

"The most important part of your life was the time that you spent with these people. That's why all of you are here. Nobody does it alone, Jack. You needed all of them and they needed you." - LOST

“Once was LOST, but now am Found”

2010-05-24T22:33:00.005-04:00

I very rarely went into detail about it here on DYFU, but I am a LOST fan. There is no such thing as a casual fan, to be clear, any “fan” of LOST, is a fan in a major way. The ups, the downs, you couldn't half-ass a LOST love. And with any great love, when it ends, you need to walk away and look back with happiness and fondness of the lessons and memories you are left with, otherwise, the anger and hate will eat you up.

I have never used DYFU as a ground for theories or spoilers or “ah ha” moments, not that I didn’t have them, but in terms of readership, you wouldn’t really come here for that type of writing. Lets be honest, other people do it A LOT better. Want a spoiler? Head to Dark UFO. Want to make a correlation from any thing to The Doors, Alice in Wonderland, the Dali Lama, and its cultural or literary tie in to LOST? Head to EW and read Doc Jensen. Need to remember the year that James “Sawyer” Ford’s father pulled a murder suicide? Head to Lostpedia.

For the past 6 years, LOST gave me an experience unlike any other. I watched the episodes eagerly, tirelessly with strangers who became friends, and sat on a gmail chain that over the course of 6 years became MULTIPLE chains. Do you know what happens after you have over 100 emails on 1 gmail chain? It wasn’t until LOST that I found out (the chain starts anew…it "reboots” if you will…aahh IRONY!).

I cried when Desmond & Penny FINALLY spoke via a long distance fuzzy phone call in “The Constant”. I laughed at Sawyer’s monikers for his friends, freckles, doc, blondie, enus. I smiled when Frank Lapidus realized that “we aren’t going to Guam? Are we?”. I held in tears when Sun and Jin were finally reunited in life and death. I mocked the existence of Nikki and Paulo. I loved to love and loved to hate Ben Linus. I can’t tell you what my friend is currently getting her doctorate in, but I sure as hell can tell you what Daniel Farraday did his dissertation on.

Today is the deluge after the flood, the aftermath, the blogs are on fire with rants, theories, threats, anger, happiness, sadness. I will not lie; initially, I was not pleased with the ending. I, like so many others, felt like I was owed more. Emotionally, I felt fulfilled with the character reunions, and heart string pieces, but intellectually I felt cheated and empty. I felt like so many things were all for naught, which is a really icky feeling. At the end of the day, I suppose it doesn’t really matter if we ever find out why they never touched back on Walt, what the “light” of the island was, the time loops, Mr. Echo, who built the temple, the hatch, the infertility mystery, the polar bears, it all is seemingly unimportant when we look at the big picture.

The writers always said that LOST isn’t a plot driven show, but a character driven show, and I refused to believe it. I suppose its kind of like when a boy says he isn’t really interested in a serious relationship and you refuse to believe that’s possible, that was me with LOST.

After a day of catching up on the gossip blogs and critiques, I came to terms with an ending that I have made piece with. Jack’s famous phrase of “Live together or die alone” resonated. As I sat there watching with 15 friends last night, I realized we weren’t alone, we had come to know the show, its characters, and its crazy plot devices TOGETHER. It isn’t the destination, but the journey. I think about the Elle of 6 years ago, and while she is an adorable girl (…and clearly not humble back then either…) she was kind of a train wreck (Jr. year of college, weren’t we all?). Her biggest stress was a term paper that she had 4 weeks to write, and what outfit she would wear for a “Tennis Hoe’s and Golf Pro’s” theme party, well ACTUALLY that part is still the same (Jr. League’s end of the year bash is a “Tee off to Summer” theme…oh irony!).

But, much like the characters, everyone is flawed, our choices, our judgement, and environment, and it is only with experience, and the love and friendship of those around us that we can even possibly begin to survive, and cross over to become the best versions of ourselves.

If you beared with me through this long winded and scatterbrained post, than you are probably a LOST fan or an Elle fan, or my mother. And whether or not the LOST finale goes down as one of the greatest wrap up’s of our time, or a gigantic cop out, I will remember the show as a whole for the journey it took me on, and the people, ideas, and emotions it brought into my 3-sizes-too-small itty bitty black heart. So maybe for you, it was just a show that aired on ABC for a season too long, but for me, it was wonderful memories, lessons, love, and faith that the best part of you just hasn’t happened yet and only you can tell YOU who you are and who you can be.

BTW, ABC, you cannot and will not make me watch Flash Forward, V or Eli Stone. I would rather watch those cute Target commercials on repeat. I mean, fine, I will watch the Bachelorette, but I draw the line there.

2010-05-17T21:34:00.001-04:00

LY: Besides, once you get to our age you don't have to date people for four years anymore

you only have to experience the four seasons with them.

What Is True On Public Transit, Is True In Life

2010-05-14T14:15:00.000-04:00

Agree or not, I am absolutely positive that the way you conduct yourself on the metro (subway if NY, L in Chicago, and so on) is how you actually are in life. Examples:

Oblivious: Yeah, leaning against the WHOLE hand bar so that people either have to nudge you off of it, or touch your skin (or hair ick!!) is rude and completely oblivious to HELLO IT IS RUSH HOUR, it isn't exactly roomy in here and also last time I checked I am not Spiderman...I actually need to have something to hold on to something so I don't go flying through the air. Other oblivious ticks of metro riders that I find myself enraged about: not getting off the train so that others can get off if standing by the door (common courtesy, I'm not a linebacker, you actually have to get out of my way!) and not scooting over one seat to open up another spot next to you (ed note: only applies on Metro, not Subway where seating is different). Outside of public transit world I'm sure these are the people who don't get social cues, talk during TV, don't know how to merge onto the highway, lack all forms of tact and generally suck.
Creepy: Asking someone what time it is or if they know why the train is delayed is one thing and totally within the norms of Metro morning/evening conversation with strangers. However, accosting someone on the platform and asking them what they are reading, where they are going, and telling them they are pretty...so not okay (I make exceptions for incredibly good looking men in well made suits who don't give off a Ted Bundy type of aura). Typically this type of out of touch, creeptastic behavior translates well to the dark lighting of a bar and the douchy come on techniques that go with it. Also, yes, I know my hair is awesome, but touching it on purpose on the Metro is beyond creepy.
The Complainer: Yes it is beyond annoying with the train is delayed, or you get stuck on the tracks between stops for a minute, but dramatic sighing and outwardly bitching really isn't going to solve anything...that's why you must come prepared with a book, an Ipod or for the love God not such a bad attitude. You know these people, because anytime something remotely not amazing happens, the complaints FLOOD out of their mouth and it seems nothing will shut them up.

"I have been a victim of my own optimism"

2010-05-14T13:48:00.002-04:00

Please bear with me as I finish reading Eat Pray Love...but seriously the quote below describes all of my previous serious relationship.

"I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism." - Eat Pray Love

If someone gave me three words to describe myself, I don't think 'optimist' would ever be one of them - unless you are describing the hope and faith I have put into relationships in the past. On one hand, I think having faith in other people is a great thing - always expecting someone to disappoint you is extremely depressing and too often always believing people will let you down will only become a self fulfilling prophecy. But...I do think we have to be careful with how easily we extend our optimism, and to be sure that those who we trust with it are worthy.

Spring Drop

2010-05-13T21:23:00.001-04:00

In November we talked about the dreaded Turkey drop ( i.e. Dumping your significant other before the full fledged couple Holidays of Christmas and Valentines Day...if you are coupled at Thanksgiving, don't expect to be single until St. Patricks day, my friend) - and now I am convinced we are in the middle of a new Spring to Summer phenomenon. I shall dub it "The Spring Drop", wherein both men and women decide if they really want to keep their boyfriend/girlfriend around the summer months..the prime season for scoping out new game. Because seriously...what better time is there to be single than the time of year where it is acceptable to walk around half naked and you are basically expected to leave work early to get hammered on a Tuesday just because you can drink on a patio. The range of activities (baseball! concerts! 4th of July!), nudity and booze basically lends itself to being single, so if you decide to stay coupled, the basics of summer debauchery will pass you by. Bottom line: dating in the month of May is analogous to the first semester of College freshman year (Diving into a relationship before you've surveyed the entire landscape!? Rookie mistake.), so don't be surprised if the guy you are casually dating suddenly pulls a Soprano. No worries though - it is summer time!

Spring in my step!

2010-05-12T15:59:00.003-04:00

I think I got my groove back, maybe you weren't aware it was missing, but I think it was misplaced for the winter. I am a SoCal girl at heart and when your best asset is your legs, winter season leaves you feeling ugly, pale and like you have a permanent case of the SLOWZZZ. Well I am back. Courtesy of inspriation for a NO BOOZE detox via Em, a few random crushes, and warmer weather, - its all coming together for HAPPY TIMES.

Cue the fact that I am also 35k feet above ground at the moment (via Virgin America's WiFi - AMAZEBALLS) en route to California for the weekend and I am... aglow.

Side Note: My life is random and while at airport security at JFk airport I ran into a kid I went to high school with, who subsquently is now living in New York and is on the same flight as me. He is as good looking as ever, but is kinda of floating through his quarter life crisis at the moment (Note: Editor's inference), and not like you need other people's bad news to make you feel good about yourself (because that's just SNARKY), but it helps put things in perspective that my life is pretty awesome, well 99% of the time. So, it could be worse people, you could be unemployed, recently dumped, and without an apartment in a month.

Dating Pet Peeve of the Day: The Soprano

2010-05-11T16:05:00.003-04:00

"The Soprano" is a patented dating termination move known for its shock-and-awe ability. One minute he is there and you are planning monogrammed towels, or a move into their giant West Village studio with Hudson River views, um just for random example, and the next well, put out an APB because he went AWOL and is now MIA, and probably DOA for such douch-tastic behavior. It isn't even a gradual phase out, it's a blatant houdini act.

When boys do this to me, or to friends, it angers me. Its like - above all else, let me know what it is that caused you to run from me like Irish imigrants from the potato famine. Were you culturally disgusted that I ordered red wine in lieu of white with my sea scallops? Did my shade of lip gloss offend you? Should I have gone for straight locks rather that the uber cool "beachy hair"? Did my verbal static of "like" and abreves annoy you rather than endear you to me? Or were you generally just intimidated by my all around awesome and goddess-like perfection?

I have not in fact had a Soprano in quite some time, but this inexplicable behavior is currently a pandemic amongst my friends. The only other excuse I can currently offer up is that my friends were involved in a seasonal relationships. The weather warms up, and BAM, the boys are off because they (ignorantly) believe that they can seek greener pastures.

"When a guy likes you, you know it. When he doesn't, you are confused"

2010-05-10T16:31:00.003-04:00

Stop making excuses. This is an open letter to friends, myself, random readers. The quote above is from my lovely friend Molls, who is trying to make sense of her recent streak of dating mishaps. After taking our dating anger out on the tennis courts yesterday (perhaps the batting cages would have been more apropos...) She really hit the nail on the hammer. When a guy likes you, and is giving all the "GO" signs, you know it. When he isn't, that's where it gets murky, we make excuses, chalk behavior up to "weird", or "odd", when in actuality the only thing "weird" or "odd" is that some guy wouldn't be obsessed with the glory that is you, or me. Other than that, a non-into-you-boy's behavior is pretty clear.

"We went on 4 dates last week, then he didn't text me all this week. No calls, no email, no texts, I mean, its seriously, like, so ODD" - Lets be clear here, this isn't odd, its rude, its slimy, and its douchey, but it isn't "odd". Let me also add that the guy in question is recently out of a 4 year relationship, only 2 months out in fact. Did I also mention he had boughten a ring, ENGAGEMENT for this ex? Yeah.

And as to why the rest of the world is seemingly happily coupled at the moment, Molls offered up this gem "Seriously, I just like to think that we have higher standards than the average Jane". Sure. Lets go with that.

Random things that are making me happy today

2010-05-10T11:14:00.004-04:00

Re-discovering a fave song from the tombs of your itunes. Celine Dion's "I drove all night", Baltimora "Tarzan Boy". I was boppin' to work this morning.

Dark Chocolate covered cherries. Its fiber, HELLO!

Muscle soreness from a fun weekend! Tennis matches, gardening and planting (Serious weeding and tree plantingg), raging dance party. Hurts so good.

Knowing that summer is....JUSTAROUNDTHECORNER! Despite the fact that it was 49 degrees on my morning commute today. Grr.

Looking at my calendar and seeing SO MUCH FUN ahead. San Fran. Maine. East Hampton, and Em comes to town!

Phone chats with friends during the work day.

Gala Apples. YUM!

"He's a good looking guy" "Thanks, Dad"

2010-05-04T14:48:00.004-04:00

Just as Rachel has a Match.mom, I have a Match.mark. Mark is Daddy Elle, who recently has taken it upon himself to find my next bf. I am not sure about my dad's taste in guys, truthfully, I have never had to think about it, but he is fairly certain that the two gentlemen that he would like for me to me are "good looking guys", hmmm.

Candidate #1 : Would require an LDR (long distance relationship) as he lives in San Diego (Not off to a good start...), and the fact that my dad is his boss, makes it weird. But like Mark said "He is a very good looking guy", um thanks Dad. He too will be running the Bay 2 Breakers in 2 weeks, so my dad wants me to meet him then. Maybe you all haven't seen what I look like after running an easy 2 miles, I look like a hot pink pumpkin, or a tomato, I just wanted to say pumpkin... so the idea of being seen with ANYONE after running a 12k sounds like a nightmare.

Candidate #2: While he does actually live in NY, he is two years younger, and while 23 is a great age to be, it isn't necessarily a good age to date. When I think of my guy friends at age 23, it isn't a pretty picture, but perhaps that speaks more to my social associations than anything else.

In any event, I have told my friends recently that I am more open to being set up, so I suppose I should extend this invitation to my family as well. We will give match.mark his chance, mostly just because I am dying to see my father's definition of a "good looking guy".

Love Her Hair!

2010-05-03T20:11:00.000-04:00

Sorry the picture is so big - but I LOVE her hair. Why can't I do that? Every time I attempt said bun I either look like: (1) a celibate librarian or (2) Britney Spears when she had the worst hair weave in the history of the world.

Best Find of the YEAR

2010-04-28T22:34:00.000-04:00

At the bottom left hand of your itunes store is a little round button of an American flag. I was intrigued!! I thought....what is this??! So, obviously, I click it - and it zooms me to a bunch of other round flag buttons. That's right...you can see the top music from anywhere from Canada to Australia to Botswana. Amazing, right??! Because who doesn't want to know the top song in our neighbor to the north??! You are welcome.

Sidenote: Justin Bieber... surprising popular in all countries.

2010-04-28T21:30:00.000-04:00

I just finished the book Columbine last night. I really recommend it - it is very interesting how differently people deal with the tragedies in their life. Anyways, the author opened and closed the book with one of my favorite quotes from Ernest Hemingway's A Farewell to Arms, and I thought I'd share:

The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places.

Say What?

2010-04-28T21:11:00.000-04:00

Scream 4??! The first Scream still scares the crap out of me. Oh dear. You know I'll just HAVE to see it...and then have to sleep on the floor of my roommates room for a month.

You Have To LOVE This Woman

2010-04-28T21:00:00.000-04:00

Honestly, what amazing class, backbone and heart does Sandra Bullock have? As New York Magazine said, though her strength of character (can you imagine these days that no one sold her and her new baby out to the tabs?!), she was able to completely change the path AND story of the Jesse James cheating drama. She quietly (and quickly!) filed for divorced and revealed her beautiful baby boy. And honestly thank God - he cheated on her with a woman who had a tattoo on HER FACE. JJ had to go. Love, LOVE her.

Faker Than the Notion That Sleeping in a Button-down Shirt Is "Comfortable"

2010-04-27T21:09:00.000-04:00

Your Gossip Girl recap!

Reality TV - its a DON'T

2010-04-27T10:49:00.008-04:00

Don't get confused, WATCHING the chaos, trash, and insanity of reality TV is often necessary to feel better about your own life. However, actually BEING on a reality TV show is not recommended.

Whilst watching (sadly) a Hills marathon on MTV this weekend (ALL weekend), I saw a preview for "True Life: I'm Hustlin' in the Hamptons". Low and behold, the girl featured was a girl who I knew. I am hesitant to reveal that I know her through an organization I am affiliated with but suffice it to say, she was kind of a square peg, and was "different" than the rest of us. Different as in, after a meeting at The League, rather than wanting to grab a low key glass of wine, she would offer that we go to Avenue, or 1Oak or Gold Bar...ON A TUESDAY. We had different scenes, we weren't into dropping the name of a doorman or bartender at some hipster lounge, (I mean, thats THE HELP), in order to pry myself in.

As a social nightlife blogger, I can only assume that she had...different aspirations for joining the League than the rest of us. Rather than joining at group brunches, or book clubs, or low key dinners, she was more interested in starting fights, clubbing, and befriending Guest of a Guest. Last spring, she had announced that "MTV was doing a show about her!", which BTW, it was an episode, not an entire show. She bragged about having a house in Sag Harbor for the summer (which clearly did.not.exist. as she was shown crashing at a hotel instead). Suffice it to say, no one has seen her at any League events in over a year and no one can even attest that she is on a committee and an active member.

MOVING.ON. I wonder when this show was pitched to her, if she was aware how they would air it, I truly wonder if she would have approved being portrayed as such a desperate wannabe trying to crack the social scene, or if she was just sold under the fact that MTV was going to do an show about her fabulous (sarcasm) Hamptons life! I am sure that much of this can be attributed to the miracle of video editing, but the truth is, her desperate desire to "fit in", and be "seen" is as transparent in person as it was on TV. I would feel badly for her if she wasn't so combative and hell bent on causing needless drama.

I think the bottom line is, networks want to make money, they will do so by marketing and creating a show that is dramatic, exciting, they will do so by making a train wreck of the material and putting it on air for all to see. You are better off being anonymously fabulous than having the world know that you are a sad, pathetic, idiot.

PS - It also bears repeating that she dated an acquaintence, she took him to an event 2 years ago and threw a very public and inappropriate tantrum of epic proportions, maybe if she behaved herself a little differently (like with some decorum), she would have found herself with far more summer Hamptons invites... just saying.

“I do not have a computer. I much prefer having a butler.”

2010-04-27T10:14:00.005-04:00

It has been said that, "Sunday is the one day a week you get the single woman's sports pages: the New York Times wedding section." Maybe this is true. But even if it isn't, there is no denying that the Wedding announcements are at the very least, entertaining.

One thing is for certain, girls (single or not) definitely read the NYT wedding section, religiously every Sunday. The butler gem above is a quote from the Mother of the Bride (MOB) of one of this week's featured brides, I put it as my g-chat away message, and clearly my friends had read the same.

Rachel: HAHAHAHA is it sad i know exactly what thats from

CB: OMG...I totally read that in the Times on Sunday!!!

A quick google search from Mommy Elle turned up some interesting information that the MOB was recently involved in a hit and run incident. Evidently, she thought the CHILD she hit was a deer.

CB: You would think for a family that is so fond of hunting she would have been able to tell the difference between a deer and a child

You would think.

2010-04-26T16:48:00.002-04:00

Jackie is pictured here with her sister, Lee Bouvier Radziwill, in Italy (1962).

A week before her death Alberto Arroyo asked her out of all of her travels which country she liked the best.

She thought for a second then answered simply, “What’s wrong with America?”

(Via At Its Best)

There Are No Words

2010-04-25T17:18:00.000-04:00

Songs like this should never, ever be sung live - especially in combination with (1) an american flag cape (2) Space woman back up dancers or (3) Weird mid song laser beam/monologue. Also, I tag this post with 'music' in the most loosely defined terms.

Brit Flashback

2010-04-25T09:38:00.000-04:00

The other day at the gym, the Britney Spears Slave 4 U video was playing - and omg, sometimes I seriously forget what an AMAZING body Brit had in her prime. She still looks good considering in the meantime she has had a nervous breakdown, two children and one K.Fed.

Epic Disney Mash Up

2010-04-24T19:56:00.000-04:00

What is the use of a book', thought Alice, 'without pictures or conversations?' ~ Lewis Carroll

2010-04-24T19:49:00.000-04:00

After Elle turned me onto Criminal Minds (see below, ha!), I have become kind of fascinated with criminal phycology and behavioral analysis - what kind of people commit crimes and what makes them do it/escalate etc. In the last two weeks I have read Mindhunter: Inside the FBI's Elite Serial Crime Unit and Columbine. The first book is written by John Douglas who was a premier FBI profiler and the second book is an in depth analysis of the Columbine Massacre - not only what happened, but what was "wrong" with Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold. Needless to say, I haven't been getting the best nights sleep recently - but it has reminded me how much I miss learning and reading interesting books just for fun.

The most interesting people read and read A LOT - not just books but newspapers, magazines, even blogs. Even if you don't agree with an individual's political or philosophical views, if they can back it up with facts, history, another author's viewpoint etc etc, at least you can respect their opinion and the debate can actually lead somewhere interesting. The most one dimensional individuals feed themselves only with things that reinforce their own opinions and don't desire more knowledge about things they might not understand. How can we grow and become more complex people if we don't do things or read things that make us uncomfortable?

Although I think my next read will be something a little more light hearted (Em has got to sleep!), we should never lose the desire to want to know more.

Em's 30 Day Detox Update

2010-04-22T19:39:00.000-04:00

I am officially two weeks off the sauce. And let me tell you - I feel prettttay awesome. My clothes fit better and I just overall feel a lot healthier. Although I absolutely don't intend to make being alcohol free a permanent activity, I am loving this detox.

Wish me luck in my last two weeks!!

Fashion Deal Breakers

2010-04-22T10:03:00.006-04:00

Last weekend I went to Philly to visit one of my best friends from college, and we were talking about poorly dressed guys and some fashion hardlines we just can't get past.

"Blondie" is from the Main Line area outside of Philly, and grew up with an abundance of uber preppy WASPy boys at her disposal, it took her awhile to adjust to the fact in college that guys even wore jeans to class, let alone "out", I have to admit, seeing a guy in salmon pants or Nantucket red slacks from Murray's is far more preferable in my book, but moving on. So since she has met in the middle and has finally learn to accept jeans, she feels that they damn well better be good jeans, and I don't mean, like Rock and Republic jeans for men (in fact super shee-shee jeans on men strike me as... not straight). She means, nice fit, perfect length, and not dirty/ratty/torn/ baggy/ saggy/gross. When I actually put this into writing, these requests seem like they should be a given, but given the casual attire we have grown accustomed to, evidently it is not.

My deal breaker however is SHOES. I don't expect every guy to be wearing classic Gucci loafers to work, or a gently worn in pair of Sperry's on the weekend, but if a guy is rocking Heaven's Gate Cult Nike sneaks, I am out of there. Footwear is critical, and maybe I am a snob (entirely possible) or too picky (have you seen some of my ex's, negative), but bad footwear is something I can't get over. Funny/ Not So Funny story - my college ex had this gross pair of New Balance sneaks that were holey, gross, and looked like something a homeless man would turn his nose at, I told him he should "probably, maybe dispose of them" (akak BURN THEM), he informed me that those were his lucky "Pong Shoes". He was an alcoholic, with a penchant for beer tears and gross sneaks, and I am pretty sure I was more offended by his footwear.

Side note: Weird footwear is also how you can always tell a tourist is Euro, they always have weird shoes!

ANYWAY - short rant stems from seeing far to many pairs of weird footwear on my AM commute, and blondie's distate for denim. That is all. As you were.

I LOST my mind, and then I found it.

2010-04-16T10:22:00.004-04:00

Necessary background information:

I love "LOST". Desmond Hume is my fave fave fave character whose love story with Penny Widmore has made me cry on MULTIPLE OCCASIONS.

I am in a dating rut.

I once dated a tool who is affectionately known on this blog as "Mr. Peter Pan"

Got it? OK.

So on Tuesday, as per usual at 9 p.m. EST, I was watching LOST with some of my faves. It was the second week in a row where we had Fan Fave and Elle fave Demond Hume featured. His "off island persona" (which prob means NOTHING to most of you) is clean shaven which is a bit different than we have seen him from the previous 5 seasons, scruffy/bearded/ etc. Moving on, I was thinking, Desmond reminds me of someone, think Elle think! And BAM it hit me, Desmond reminded me of Mr. Peter Pan, and I got nostalgic. I know, I know! Now before you all start sending me, angry "What are you thinking?!" emails (cough, Mommy Elle), allow me to detail what happened next. The next morning I get an email from Mr. Peter Pan. Crazy, right? I mean I was just thinking less than 10 hours ago that he was my Desmond and maybe he wasn't a total idiot/ tool/ man child, and then I read his email.

"So I know I said a while back that we should catch up and get drinks, but this weekend is busy for me. I got invites to bday parties on Friday and Saturday. Maybe we can grab a few drinks before I have this party on Sat. Of course you’re welcome to join for the party too but not sure you’re plans. Friday would probably be tough for me by the time we could all get off work and to a bar."

SO, UM let me get this straight, you email me out of NOWHERE that we should get drinks, but that you are TOO busy. That's like getting asked out/ shafted in the same breathe. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?? I replied that I was busy (Very TRUE), so maybe sometime after my 4 work trips, fun trips and wedding season, aka NEVER, we could catch up.

His reply was this:

"Anyway let me know next time you have a free weekend in NYC, in meantime we can do mid-week sometime. I’m busy this week but maybe next? Let me know when works for you. My new favorite spot is this bar called Hoboken Bar and Grill (or more affectionately - the HoBAG. haha), not too far from Path and they have this beer club that I'm attempting to complete. 150 bottled beers and when you finish all you get T-shirt, name on a plaque behind bar, and 20% off for the rest of your life! Anyway talk soon."

And I'm back. He is STILL a tool. STILL a moron. And STILL a man child. If I ever again feel nostalgic, just remind me to re-read any of his millions of utter MORONIC emails.

"Well I will not grow up! You cannot make me!" - Peter Pan

Marking the Terroritory

2010-04-16T10:01:00.004-04:00

For all the joy that Facebook brings, it brings stress, breeds craziness, and wastes hours of time which could be productively spent elsewhere. New relationships add an element to facebook stalking unlike any other, you have pics with ex's, random chick's writing on walls, so what's a girl to do? Well, some crazy girls (FFJ) revert to their most basic form and behave in the only way they know how, like a dog, or mroe specifically, like a dog peeing on a fire hydrant to mark their terrortory.

Crazy ways to electronically "mark your property":

Demand to "Be in a Relationship on FB" - This is very 2006, very collegiate, and very "Look at me! I am not single and crazy! Now, I am coupled and crazy!"

Tweeting your every move together- "Grabbing DC's at the bodega with @theBESTbfEVER." "Waiting for @theBESTbfEVER to get home from work and hang out with me!" "Watching @theBESTbfEVER pack for this weekend, I love how @theBESTbfEVER packs his clothes, SO CUTE!" "On the phone with @theBESTbfEVER, don't worry, I can listen and tweet at the same time!"

"Liking" and Commenting on ALL his facebook activity - He becomes friends with your mom? LIKE. He is having a guy's weekend in the Poconos? LIKE (but secretly harboring a big ol' sad face, wah wah). He mobiley uploads a pic from the baseball game you two are at. LIKE and write "XoXo Babe!"

Tagging 500+ photos of him - "Me and my boy at the grocery store. Smile!". Tagging random pics where he is obscurely in the background. Tagging photos when he is not present and writing "Wish you were here, XOXO babe!"

Friending EVERYONE in his social network - His mom? FRIEND. His boss? FRIEND. His high school football teammate? FRIEND. What? Your lives are like totally intertwined and connected now, are they not? DUH!

Overuse of the word "We" - "We are heading to La Playa for the Weekend!", "We can't wait for the weekend!", "We are hungry and want a KFC Double Down!"

Tagging PDA photos - Enough said.

"They're hereeeee"

2010-04-16T09:56:00.003-04:00

FFJ and the Ex have landed on my little island of Manhattan. How do I know this? Well, Em was kind enough to give me the update via some FB stalking. Since we all know how FFJ loves to announce her happenings to us via Facebook, I present this lovely tid bit of a status update:

FFJ: *...New Jersey+Atlantic City=Legalized prostitution...I feel right at home!...*

Seriously, I cannot make this up if I tried. People like this exist.

Just because

2010-04-12T17:38:00.002-04:00

“Why are you wearing a tux?”

“It’s after 6. What am I, a farmer?”

- Jack Donaghy

2010-04-12T17:04:00.002-04:00

"For every Elin Nordegrin, there is a Hooters waitress named Jaimee who spells her name with two E’s and a star." - Tina Fey on SNL this weekend

Em's 30 Day Detox

2010-04-11T14:24:00.000-04:00

After a particularly out of control weekend (where I engaged in several activities that should be immediately added to the Murtaugh list, including but not limited to taking shots with a bunch of 20 year old sorority girls I don't know - in my defense they were my little brothers girlfriends friends...so it was only a few degrees away from acceptability, right?), I decided I needed a month to really dry out and detox. I find too many time I have a glass or two of wine (or beers etc) not because I necessarily want to, but because it is the social thing to do at dinner or at happy hour. The question is, would I really be able to cut out the booze from April 8th - May 8th with patio drinking season rapidly approaching? Well, four days in, that is the plan.

And let's face it, my motivator isn't JUST preserving my dignity by not getting completely hammered with a bunch of coeds. Alcohol is basically just liquid fat. When I first moved to a new city in August, I dropped a bunch of weight almost instantly- and while it was definitely attributable to better gym habits, and cutting out the junk food binges Mr. Em and I would engage in while studying for the bar exam, the REAL difference was I didn't know very many people and thus would only go out once a week (and drink PBR - I had no job, reserve judgment). No friends = no alcohol consumption = Em was prettay skinny. Yet, as soon as I got a job, made some friends and started frequenting receptions and happy hours, the lb's slowly began to creep back on.

Sooo, in the interest of health, pure vanity (read: bathing suit season), and now a bit of money I have put on a month of sobriety, not to mention my pride at not backing down, I am now a few days into 30 days with no drinking and already one of my biggest tests of temptation is behind me. The key I think is realizing that you can go out with friends and not drink and it should be something you want to do, not necessarily something you think you have to.

Wish me luck!!

People Who I Wish Would Disappear

2010-04-07T15:41:00.004-04:00

A world free from loud mouths, faux-lebrities, and self indulgent egoists, that is the world I one day hope to live in. So start the movement, and GO AWAY:

LiLo - La Lohan, you have not made a movie I have enjoyed since Mean Girls, and while that has and will continue to provide me with a lifetime of laughter and quotations, it cannot be your only redeeming quality. Your hair annoys me, your spray tan lines annoy me, your cooky Mother annoys me. Dry out and GO AWAY.

Tila Tequilla - Nut job/ Reality TV Faux-celeb. You are loud, emotionally unstable and you made accusations against Charger Player #56, Shawne Merriman, who is no angel, but he did put u with you, you circus freak. Side note: if you have to make out with girls in order to get attention, when you finally DO get it, people will just think you are trash. Tots. GO AWAY.

Amy Winehouse - You need a shower and a haircut, and I beg for someone to scrape that crack pipe residue out from underneath your dirty fingernails. How you are still alive isn't a miracle, its a curse upon society. Take a bath and GO AWAY.

Michael Lohan - You.Are.Trash. You are loud, attention seeking, and botoxed, like father like daughter?? You have ZERO redeeming qualities and we should probably deduct bonus points for your bringing our #1 into this world. Act your age and GO AWAY.

Stephen A. Smith - You are loud, and earth to: Not every sports story has a racial spin. Sometimes people like Plaxico Burress go to jail because they broke the law and NOT because of their race. Be quiet and GO AWAY.

Levi Johnston - You had the beauty of banging the former vice presidential candidate's daughter and inseminating her, that doesn't make you a hero or a celeb, that makes you an underage father, and if you had knocked up ANYONE else, you would be getting your welfare check in the mail just like all the rest of them. Cover up and GO AWAY.

Michael Moore - Hey you fat, loud mouthed, POS, I will be paying for your fat ass to get an angioplasty someday, so maybe try going for a walk and STFU. Also, it should be noted that you look like a bum. Be quiet and GO AWAY.

Jon Gosselin - You are not a celeb, you are simply an overweight and undercapitalized man who wears screen print and bejeweled Ed Hardy Tees (Ew, Big Ew). You are a Bozo and a creep. Stop trying to get your mug on Us Weekly and get thee back to the suburbs and try raising um, YOUR EIGHT CHILDREN. Move away and GO AWAY.

Chris Brown - Hi, earth to, you are NOT a victim. Your ex gf, the one you BEAT UP, she, she is a victim, so no one cares that you are whining about not finding a birthday party venue, or that you are getting less radio time. No one cares. Stop being a child and GO AWAY.

Spencer Pratt - You hair gives me the creeps, your wife looks like a fem-bot and you are possibly the rudest and least desirable candidate for a son-in-law...EVER. Seriously, I am pretty sure my parents would prefer Pol Pot. He also went to USC, MAJOR ew. Cut your...beard (is that what is is?), and GO AWAY.

Honorable Mentions: Heidi Montag-Pratt, Duke Fans, Al Sharpton, Jesse James, Al Davis, and FFJ.

In a note to Karma, let me make clear, I am not wishing harm or ill will towards any of these people (...at least not outwardly...kidding...) I just wish them off my google reader, off my news feed and out of my cheap tabloids. Please, do us all one final service, and go far far far away. I wish we had a modern day Australia where we could ship off all denizens, faux-lebrities, and vile individuals so then can breed amongst each other so as to not infect the rest of our lovely population, but alas, such is not the case, until then, I will continue to wish them away.

Happy Birthday to Em!

2010-04-07T15:34:00.002-04:00

Happy 26th birthday to Em! She has crossed over to ...the otherside of 25 and is still alive. I am not far behind! And while there are some things we are definitely TOO old for at 26, fear not, there is still plenty of wiggle room for bad habits, poor decisions, and silly time wasters.

So Em, may your 26th year of life be filled with Theme Parties, Cupcakes, Bubbly for dinner, swedish fish, budget blowing shopping indulgences, and US Weekly.

Kisses - XX

Elle!

The Way They Were

2010-04-06T13:58:00.000-04:00

...you know, before Chuck succumbed to an exceedingly more sordid version of Indecdent Proposal. You are no Robert Redford, Uncle Jack. Annnyways, last night marked one of the more dramatic GG's in recent history. I do think a Blair and Chuck shake up is necessary in order for the show to get back to it's roots.

Enjoy your recap!

Highlight: • Blair: "Serena, you've done some unforgivable things, like sleeping with Nate when we were saving ourselves for each other or killing Keith Fairman. How far is too far?" Serena barely batted an eye at this reference to a revelation which was the peak of an entire season of this show, and caused her face to physically melt when she admitted it the first time. Now she probably doesn't even remember it. Plus 3. It must be nice to have all that hair to absorb your bad memories.

Eat Pray Love Is Obviously Getting To Me

2010-04-04T23:06:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I may never read the book, but how great does this movie look! Bonus: Billy Crudup (love!), James Franco AND Javier Bardem!! That is my kind of chick flick.